An Evening Spent in Aimless Thought.

          Cold and swift, the river pulled me under. Time and again I found the surface, only to be drug back to the bottom by the cruel, grasping hands of the current. After what felt like an eternity I fought my way free and stumbled onto the dank floor of a forest. A forest so deep, dark, and forboding that I could not find the courage to begin a journey through it. The stony shores of the grasping river seemed to me a better place to wait out the night.
          And so I sat, shivering in the overcast gloom. No stars to let me know I was not alone, not even a mosquito to keep me company. I sat until I heard it, sounds deep and drumbling, like thunder on the horizon. Only this was sinister, like a reptile's hiss before it's fangs sink into flesh. I felt prickles of fear run up and down my spine... I would have to run again. Soon. Warm breezes began to tug at my wet hair, gentle and calming, it nearly made me fall asleep. But my subconscious mind screamed until the realization dawned that it was not the cool wind of the night. The warmth was unnatural, like this whole night had been. It reminded me of the warm breath of a horse's friendly nuzzle. Sudden fear gripped my stomach as I reached this realization. I didn't dare turn to look at whatever was breathing on me. Instead I leapt to my feet and sprinted into the darkness of the forest. Dark, angry snarls erupted from behind me, driving me faster, deeper, into the thick green of the unknown.
           I ran until I could not run, and so dragged myself, grasping onto trees and vines intead. Then oddly enough the sounds behind me dissappeared and I found myself staring through a window. This window was so large it was the size of a movie screen. It was if I had been stuck in the very front row of the auditorium and had to lean back to watch the show. Through this screen I could see the face of a girl. Her red hair sloppily thrown over one shoulder and a pencil tucked behind her ear. She looked to be deep in thought, maybe even frustrated about something. She wrinkled her nose, picked out a crusty booger and flicked it away. A smirk spread over her face and she gave a devilish laugh. Her hands returned to the table in front of her and...
           Louder and louder grew the angry snarls. Whatever this mysterious thing was, it was getting closer. I couldn't run any longer. I knew my end was soon to come. I turned to face the monster with all the bravery I could muster...

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Aren't you so glad we are not characters in books?

Dreary Spring Days? Make Stew!

        I love Spring! But not all Spring days are full of sunshine and pretty blooming flowers. Some days are downright misereable; cold, dreary, rainy, and muddy. It's these days that drive me to either cook to my heart's content or let my creativity run free as I write, paint, or sew. Today I felt like cooking and writing. What better way to do that than to write a food post! Dreary days like these make me want to eat comfort food. Rich, fatty, carbohydrate-filled comfort food. My solution to that? Stew! I usually make a vegetarian version of what I'm about to share with you, but today just needed some beef. If you want to make a vegetarian version, just add some of your favorite type of beans instead of beef and serve it on a bed of quinoa for added protein.

Rainy-Day Stew                                           Serves approx. 4-6
6-8 C. water
1 Tbsp. beef flavoring (I use Orrington Farms broth base & seasoning.)
4 leaves of sweet basil.
1/2 tsp. parsley
3 shoots of green onion (leave them whole if you like.)
2 stalks of celery (diced)
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper
1/8 tsp. white pepper
Pinch of black pepper
Start bringing these first 10 ingredients to a boil right away so the flavors can begin to combine!
3 large leaves of kale (tear into large chunks, don't use the stem!)
4 med. mushrooms (quartered)
3 med. carrots (scrub and roughly chop)
1/2 slice of thick bacon (fry until crispy in a large skillet and then chop or crumble)
1 lb. beef stew meat. (dice into 1" cubes and sear in the bacon grease)
Add these 5 ingredients to the broth and simmer on high for about 20min.



2 med. red potatoes (scrub and dice into 1/2" cubes)
After 20min of simmering has gone by, add the potatoes and stir everything together well.
Now you have a decision to make. Either leave it on the stove to slowly cook or put it in a 325* oven. Either way it will take another hour to cook down. If you put it in the oven, you might want to cover it loosly with some tin foil. This is also the hard part because you will want to stir it often! Well, don't!!! Only stir it once partway through and stir it carefully. If you stir it often the potatoes will crumble and make a weird texture. It is done when the liquid has slowly cooked down to about 1/4" in the bottom of the pan.

    It should resemble this. ^ 

remove from whatever heat source you are using and serve hot over a bed of noodles, rice, or quinoa. (your choice! They're all yummy!) Enjoy!

My daughter is lurking in the background, ready to eat!



"But all my friends are in there!"

        I realize this post may show itself to be a little oxymoronic since I am writing it on my blog and plan to share it on Facebook, but hear me out anyway and don't hold back your opinions on the matter if you have one. I'm sure you do, just don't write them down in a loutish manner and I will gladly read it! 

        Over the last few years I have been completely caught up in online social networking. Marrying and moving away from friends and family to a place I couldn't stand drove me to any means available to escape it. Eventually, if I wasn't asleep or at work I was glued to my computer screen. Chatting with friends who honestly could have cared less about my new life and blatantly ignoring the dozens of lonely, like-minded individuals surrounding me. Once my oldest daughter was born, I used Facebook and mothering forums to make my days go by faster. I felt I couldn't do anything or go anywhere without her being attached to me like a little leach day and night, so I escaped to other worlds. And then, as time flew by, I added Pinterest to my list of windows to escape life through. It's all so harmless, you're just keeping up with old friends and learning new stuff right? No. Wrong! What you really end up doing is stalking your friends and wondering why your life is so different. It can become an obsession, late nights reading other people's walls wondering why they don't seem to have a care in the world, and little vines of envy creeping into your soul as you see them living exciting lives traveling abroad and always surrounded by a crowd of friends in their pictures. Sick, right?

       Enter baby number two and my life has changed. I can no longer spend hours writing to friends or browsing Pinterest boards while nursing this baby. I can barely even get through a full feeding without having to put her down and chase/rescue/discipline my life-loving toddler! What really disturbes me is that I would get annoyed (yes, I said it) at my toddler for wanting my attention when all I wanted to do was check out of life for awhile to look at pretty pictures of creative things to make so she could have a better life.

        The irony is that during that whole time I tried none of those projects I pinned on my organized boards with whitty labels. Finally after one night of wasting a whopping four hours browsing knitting patterns (I can't even knit!) it struck me that I was a complete and utter fool. I was accumulating enough wasted hours to equal days and getting nothing other than homework and an occasional meal accomplished. Some women joke about this but I found it completely sick and irresponsible. Instead of thinking about deleting my Pinterest account, I decided to actually do it and never look back.

        The funny thing about deleting my Pinterest account about a month ago is that I don't miss it! I also don't miss the multiple forums I followed either. I won't delete Facebook since that is my way of keeping in touch and sharing photos of my daughters with my family but I have decided that it's best for me and my girls if I'm only on there before they get up in the morning or after they are in bed at night. Deleting my carefully photographed face from several social networking sites has freed so many hours in a day and helped me see what belonging to them really was...an addiction.

        I've invested those hours into my family, housekeeping, and school. Honestly I feel that I am a slowly becoming a better person now. I no longer feel that I have to know the latest news about everyone on an hourly basis. Seriously! It's downright sick! And those who feel they need to update their bubble of friends and family on an hourly or even "several-times-a-daily" really do not have very exciting or fulfilling lives. You are often  living off of any response you can get through drama, controversial subjects, or pity parties. Sorry, totally callous but it's true peoples. I can be this harsh because I am guilty of this!

So I guess what I'm really trying to say is...get a life!

            Bored out of your mind?

                             Buy a book, pick up a real hobby that enriches your life and gives you a skill, teach yourself to be creative, clean and organize your sloppy house, play some games with your children, cook your way through a cookbook, start exercising, sign up for a class that interests you, walk dogs at the animal shelter, or even.......wait for it.....

                               make some new friends!

        This ramble is mainly targeting young women, singles or mothers, even though I know that other demographic groups could be applied. Still, I wrote it mostly for you as a challenge to make your life a little richer. Could you delete one of the sites you are hopelessly addicted to? Would you even consider it? Are you always wishing you had more time as you scroll through endless pages of totally useless, yet useful information?

        A few months ago my husband taped a piece of paper to the back of a chair so I would see it as I left for class in the morning. It was the Proverbs 31 passage. Yeah, you know which one I'm talking about. The one that I actually avoided reading all these years because I heard a lot, and do I ever mean a LOT, of hypocritical, stuffy older women talk endlessly about how every wife needs to be a "Proverbs 31 Woman." Blah, blah, BLAH, blah, blah... Oh please!!! Yeah, well my husband made a mistake. He didn't put the reference to the chapter on there. I was thrilled over such a loving gesture and read it over and over in the weeks to follow. At the bottom he wrote something to the effect that the woman described in the passage was how he saw me. I fell completely in love with this passage and even underlined parts of it and found myself looking up some of the words.

        So imagine my complete and utter shock/horror when I finally got curious enough to look up the passage and found it under Proverbs 31! I still haven't completely recovered. But hey, its really not that bad and you all should read it. Once you do, think a little... She's an incredibly sexy, powerhouse of a businesswoman! Do you want to be that incredibly awesome?  I do and I'm absolutely thrilled that my man sees me in that light already. That's kind of been my motivation for using my time wisely... so what's yours?

My Picky Toddler Ate Squash?! *Recipe Included!*

 The thing with food that keeps is that one usually puts off eating it for a very long time and then when you finally decide to cook it up into something tasty it is a mushy pile of icky! I've been storing one lonely little  Acorn squash in the pantry for quite some time. This weekend I decided that I did not want a good thing to go to waste so I finally dug it out. One problem though... I was not in the mood to eat the normal buttery, brown sugary, gloppy mess that squash usually is. So I did a quick online search and came up with Emeril's "Baked Acorn Squash Filled with Italian Sausage and Rigatoni Pasta." I thought it sounded a little strange but was willing to give it a try. I printed it out and taped it to my cupboard door above the knives and started rummaging around the kitchen for the ingredients. That's when I realized I only had the mozzarella cheese and a squash. Soooo... I went into creativity mode and came up with a dish that will forever be on my menu and that I am pretty sure even my husband will be willing to eat! I am still not sure what to call it. I'm open for suggestions!

*Edit: My friend suggested Pizza Squash! I like it and for lack of a better idea at this time... Pizza Squash it will be.

Pizza Squash
Ingredients
1 Acorn Squash - cut in half and clean the seeds out!
Olive Oil
Salt
Black Pepper
1/2 C. Water
1/4 C. Chopped Pepperoni Slices
1/2 C. Mozzarella Cheese - cut into 1/2" cubes.
1 C. Whole Wheat Pasta - cooked until soft.
2/3 C. Spaghetti Sauce - I used Francesco Rinaldi's Chunky Garden Combo.

Directions

• Turn on your oven. 350 degrees F is the perfect temperature for baking squash.
• Cut the cute little squash in half and scrape out the seeds with a soup spoon. Place the two halves flesh side up in an 8"x8" glass baking dish.
• This next step is of utmost importance! Give your toddler a pastry brush and some olive oil in a little bowl and let her brush it on to her heart's content while you dice the cheese, chop the pepperoni, and put water on the stove to boil the pasta.

Isn't she the cutest little helper ever? She was very, very serious about getting the olive oil applied evenly!

• After applying the olive oil, sprinkle a pinch of salt and grind some black pepper over the squash halves.
• Pour 1/2 C of water in the bottom of the pan and cover with aluminum foil. Bake for about 45 min.
• After the pasta is cooked, drained and cooled, mix the cheese, tomato sauce, and pepperoni in.
• Once the squash is tender, drain the juice from the hollowed out middles and stuff as much of the pasta mixture into the centers as you possibly can.
• Return to the oven uncovered and bake for 15 min more. (or until the cheese is bubbling out and the noodles are heated through.)
• When done, you should have something that resembles this!

All that's left is to let it cool a little bit and then enjoy! The cubes of cheese melt amidst the pasta for amazing gooey surprises and the combination of spicy pepperoni and tomato sauce with the squash is surprisingly delicious! I really hope you try this, my daughter loved it and even ate the squash! She is normally very picky about veggies of any kind.

Hope you enjoyed my first ever food post! There will be more...

And So Life Drags Me Along...

    As one can see by the absence of posts, I successfully managed to push out another baby and now have my hands too full to write once a month which was my New Year's resolution in 2011. I consider this a positive thing and imagine that no one has really missed me bragging about my toddler and my random theological "lightbulbs." But here I am again. The lure of writing something that likeminded individuals in this world could somehow stumble upon just will not let go!
    As predicted, I returned to school with less enthusiasm than I had for my first year but I'm back all the same. So how is life with a (soon-to-be) 2 year old, a new baby, and a full load of classes? I get asked this question a lot but honestly when I try to think of some word, phrase, or even a paragraph that can accurately explain it, I come up blank. I really do not think there is a way to describe the horror of how completely exhausted and overwhelmed I am. I'm pretty sure I would have gone completely mad by this point if it wasn't for my excellent skills of talking myself out of doing things insane people do (yes, I know that talking to one's self is considered one of those things but I digress) and for the wonderful soothing song "When I Call On Jesus" by Nicole C. Mullen. I am serious by the way. That song, which always brings my focus back to the real reason I am living the life I am, has pulled me through some very rough nights!
    But back to the question at hand; because my mind is always blank, I usually just swallow the gigantic lump in my throat, crack a smile open and say "well, I'm pretty tired but I manage." Sad, I know. But if I was to do what I really want to do and say there would be a lot of blubbering, tears, runny snot, hysterical sobs, and long rants about how life is super hard and I don't know if I can deal with it. But at least now I understand a little why other moms have pretty much the same response when I ask them how they do it.
    Along with nearly going insane, I have developed a (sort of) scary obsession. Pretty much every other mom who has more than two kids is under my closest scrutiny and observation. "How does she DO it?" "Why is she not bald yet?" "How is she so skinny?" "How is it that every time I see her kids, they are all scrubbed clean and have nicely combed hair?" "What does her house look like?" "If she breastfed every one of her kids, how does she not have a saggy bosom?" "How ON EARTH does she DO it?" And so on...
   I wonder about all these things because I have never felt so completely needed at any time in my life right now. My man needs quality time with me, my toddler needs constant attention, my baby needs me in order to live (quite literally), and every professor wants me to have assignments done well in a way that is not generic and unimaginitive and of course turned in on time. Maybe it doesn't look so bad when written down, but when you are experiencing it, this really has a whole different draining effect on one's being. Hence the hovering threat of turning into a mad hatter.
    Well, this really is beginning to turn into a somewhat sour post so maybe I will close it before it becomes downright rotten. I will leave you, dear patient reader, with a link to this song. Click here. Do it! You will be encouraged if you listen.

Summer.

I've been busy. There are times I feel I am in wading through a bog, every step takes great effort and I end up going nowhere. I am tired but cannot rest because time is ticking faster than I can comprehend. So many things are going on at once. My daughter is growing up so fast, learning new words and doing so many new things that I barely even notice because I'm not around. My belly has suddenly become swollen with another growing child. I felt it's limbs poking at my insides all night last night. Even as I type it is running laps in my womb. Fall semester with all it's many demands are beginning to loom closer... making me dread the piles of papers that will somehow be written by me and the long hours of lecture and attempts to read books filled with knowledge that I want to learn well but will only absorb a small fraction because every class I take will demand so much more time than the other. And then there is camp.
Somehow I managed to be cooking at summer camp. Not only cooking but planning the weekly menus, ordering, and managing an assistant and whatever volunteer that walks through the door in the morning. I love camp, so much nostalgia is hidden in it's framework for all of the older generations to come and reminisce about, and so much fun is to be had for all the little bundles of energy who pile in every week. But camp is tiring. It asks for so much from every individual, and even though you know at all times that it is worth every minute you pour into it, it still drains every molecule of energy you started out with in the Spring.
Still, the combination of kids, the great outdoors, and food fascinates me daily. Particularly the food.
At home, I watch my toddler smear food into every pore on her face and into every hair follicle on her head on a daily basis. Already she is picky about what she'll eat and the result of a food not appreciated is usually violent spitting and then little fingers daintily throwing said food off of her tray. Later when she is cleaned up and roaming the kitchen floor she finds the rejected food and her dainty little fingers carry it over to the trash bin to be thrown away for good.
Observing my finicky toddler has instilled a deep fear of the combination of 50+ kids and whatever food I have on my menu. I have nightmares about tables full of kids spitting out food that I cooked and throwing it all in the trash. Everytime a long line has assembled and I lift the cover off of the main course and see inquisitive eyes drilling into their future meal I feel as small as an ant and find myself wanting a volunteer to dish it out instead because I don't want to hear questions like, "what IS that?" and "That looks funny, I don't want it." or even "I don't eat that at home, why would I eat it here!" Thankfully my fears are not really worth the time I spent on them as there are rarely leftovers and many kids end up complaining about there not being thirds. Kids that do complain or break down into hysterical sobs are usually more than happy to have a dry, mundane pb&j sandwich.
My favorite moments are when a camper comes running up to the line after a meal and shouts out that "that was THE best meal I've had and I LOVE camp because of it!" That one line can melt my heart, make me want to cry, and make the whole summer of exhaustion worthwhile... everytime.

My Toddler's Growing World.

Watching my daughter grow from baby-hood into toddler-hood has not been without it's share of frustrations and wishing time would slow down, but it has also been so much fun! Watching her develop a curiosity for the world around her and discovering her creative imagination has filled me with awe at how the human brain so quickly and intricately develops. She's currently 15 months old and even just in the time span of this one beautiful lazy Sunday she has done so many things that make me pause and say, "where did you learn that?" Enjoy the ensuing montage if you wish...

- We took her down to the lakeside beach today. It was a very windy day and the water was still very cold. But she had never been so close to such a big "bathtub" before and charged right into the lapping waves. The complete look of shock on her face was priceless when she discovered that is was not warm like the other water mom and dad let her play in. Never-the-less the cold didn't stop her and she kept tottering right back in. She busied herself picking out pretty colored pebbles and stringy lake algae to add to her growing list of collectable items.

- Another collectable item she discovered on our little trip was one of those long skinny reeds that weigh next to nothing and bugs like to hide out inside of. She chose a particularly long one and decided to take it back home with her. Once she was strapped into her stroller and we were on our way she enjoyed thwacking nearby bushes and tapping the ground as it rolled by. This soon became too boring and the length of the reed was getting shorter with each big thwack she gave. So intead she diverted her attention to shoving the reed between the double weels on the front of the stroller. This continued to shorten the length of the reed but she was not to be diverted. By the time we got home, the reed, which was originally about 2 1/2 times as tall as her, was as short as her arm. Somehow it is still in her litte pile of collectables outside our door.

-I was busy baking lemon drop cookies today when she decided to pull the other cooling rack from the cupboard under the sink and play with it. No big deal to me, she does that all the time. But then I started hearing her little grunts and mumbling under breath along with other suspicious sounds so I decided to investigate. What a sight! She apparently really wanted to go outside so she managed to slide the cooling rack under the screen door and was trying with all her might to pry the door open with it! "How did she ever figure that out?" I don't have a clue and have decided to just chalk it up to her being a little "Miss Macgyver" in the making.

- My lovely daughter has also been expanding her tastes for the culinary side of her growing world! I was so proud of her today when I gave her a piece of deviled egg and she gobbled it up without cringing or acting like it was strange at all! She was even begging for more! I was very happy to report to her dad that she does not take after him when it comes to being picky about unusual foods!

The day is not over yet and I'm sure she will continue to surprise me with so much more. I hope you enjoyed that small "peek in the window" at a day in the life of our growing toddler.