With an energetic toddler and the constant shadow of homework it seems I am always trying to find ways to keep my little apartment somewhat less horrific than a tornado wreck. Or at least I was. A few months ago I very carefully urinated on an expensive gadget and it had the audacity to tell me what I already knew. I am growing another human.
So far the little baby has done nothing but make me extremely incapacitated for days at a time. I manage to drag myself out of bed in the mornings, gag down something that resembles breakfast, and then snooze through most of my classes. (In which I randomly wake to say something that makes me sound intelligent but more often than not I can't enunciate a word properly and sound like a bird-brained hippo instead.) Upon dragging myself back home I usually find a mess that has been accumulating for several days and my ultra-sensitive nose instantly picks out smells that a dog might not be able to catch. This smell causes me to gag violently upon opening the front door and I plop down on the nearest couch and beg my body to keep the contents of my stomach where they should be. And this is where I stay, for several hours.
The only reason our apartment hasn't had a tragic explosion from the accumulated fermenting laundry and dishes is because I have been blessed with a wonderful man. He has taken it upon himself to do the worst of my domestic duties. Without him, I'm sure I would be gagging out the last of my stomach bile and then keeling over dead. I often imagine this scenario when he's gone. Pathetic, I know.
But what about when my life-saver is gone? Like tonight, when he left for work and I wanted to cry because I knew I had to face the horror of my apartment alone. Well, that's when I have to tell myself to "grow up" and just do what I have to do. After chasing my daughter around, trying to get her to eat something nutritious for the day and only succeeding in getting the healthy tidbits smeared in my hair, I realized that my child stinks! Really, really stinks! Somehow toddlers have this ever-present smell of pee mixed with food. I knew a bath was in order for the night and that's how I stumbled upon the art of multi-tasking!
Yes, it's been around forever and I have mastered it quite well in the workplace and when I'm at home in perfectly good health, but effective multitasking when all your mind-power is focused on the quickest route to the toilet? Hmmmmm.
I plopped my excited tot into the bathwater and decided that I would just sit and watch her splash. I plopped my own self on the bathroom floor and came to be eye-level with the toilet. What I saw I cannot describe. It was terrible! I then peeked down at the floor I was so mindlessly sitting on and was even more shocked. How was this possible? I feel like I just cleaned it... oh wait, a month ago? No wonder this house stinks!
That's when my multi-tasking skills kicked in. I grabbed cleaning supplies out of the closet and went berserk. All the while keeping a close eye on my gleefully splashing child and staying in close proximity to the toilet. (Just in case.) I even discovered that if I put a towel down right in front of the tub, it soaks up the water being dumped out of the tub and when I'm done cleaning everything else the towel works great as a mop for the floor!
By the time my stinky child was clean, the bathroom was sparkling and I felt useful again! My joy was somewhat diminished when I stepped out of the bathroom and onto carpet that crunched a little. It turned out to be a pretzel stick that my child is very fond of chewing on and then leaving the last bit to lie on the carpet or to be hidden in some obscure corner.
But I am so thankful for the clean toilet right now! Even now as I sit and type this a part of my mind is berating me for not scrubbing the kitchen instead. But it has been a long day and there is a smile on my face as I think about the sparkly toilet.
